Way back in the dark ages, I submitted the manuscript (digiscript?) of Pride’s Children to an organization dedicated to vetting indie novelists, and giving them a ‘Seal of Approval’ which could be used on the cover of their novel to indicate ‘quality’ or ‘goodness’ or ‘lack of indie crap content.’ I will call them XXX.
And then I forgot all about it.
I just received their reply, a reply to which I take a great deal of umbrage.
Here is their email:
I regret to inform you that your book Pride’s Children did not gain XXX approval. Our assessor said that though the book had an interesting premise, it would need a thorough line edit before it could be considered for approval.
In particular, she found the following issues:
Extreme overuse of incomplete sentences to the point where it becomes a repetitive sentence structure.
Too many short choppy sentences and heavily divided sentences make the reading scattered.
Subjects of focus erratic and hard to follow both in paragraph and some sentences:
“True, Thomas Pentell had insisted on an early dinner at Les Cles, almost too early for this Dior- she lengthened her neck, lifted her chin- cleavage only worked if you showed it.”
Breaking the fourth wall (see above sentence – not the only one)
Switching of perspective between first and third person
Too much description – telling not showing
Should you wish to re-submit after having the book line edited, you will need to use the form on the Submission page and pay a fee of $50.
If you are unsure of the difference between a line and a copy edit, please read this article [link removed] on the four kinds of editing
We also recommend you read The Elements of Active Prose: Writing Tips to Make Your Prose Shine
Please note: we do not enter into any discussion on the results of submissions.
Do not reply to this email. No one checks the account, so no one will see it.
There are many things wrong with this ‘assessment,’ but I summed them up in a short email:
I regret to inform you that it is doing fine as it is; any ‘line edit’ would absolutely destroy the style and voice.
The ‘flaws’ you point out are deliberate choices.
Those who like it, love it. It is gathering a nice bunch of reviews on Amazon.
Thanks for your consideration.
Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt, PhD
I sent the email – and then realized there was a donotreply on the email address, so I decided to put it up here instead (though I doubt anyone from XXX will see it).
I have detailed some of those deliberate choices in my post Rules for punctuating consistently: a writer’s unique style.
For example, and to confirm I know the difference between first and third person pov, I use First person and italics to indicate direct internal monologue (ie, an actual thought the character has in exactly those words); there are one or two of those in places where we have access to the character’s thoughts. For indirect internal monologue (general musing), I use Third person and no italics, and that is how we see the story, from the three characters’ points of view. Orson Scott Card taught me how to vary the Third person distance; once you get the hang of it, you can do everything from describing the landscape to being in the character’s head at his/her most intense moments.
I NEVER break the fourth wall.
ALL description is done from the point of view of the characters, a SINGLE character per scene.
And if XXX had bothered to look carefully, the dialogue in that little exchange where Bianca is reviewing in her mind the meeting she just had with Pentell, as she is being driven home, is very carefully marked with single quotes – memories – to distinguish it from the conversation she is simultaneously having with Michael in the car.
It takes a long time for a writer to develop a voice.
You either like what I’m doing – or you don’t get it, and don’t like it, because it isn’t the way you’re used to getting stories fed to you. There isn’t much I can do about that.
But the thought of what a ‘line edit’ from someone like their ‘assessor’ – who has no idea what I’m doing consistently and on purpose – would do to Pride’s Children made my stomach hurt.
Thanks for letting me rant – if you got this far.
Have you had a similar experience with an ‘editor’ – either as a writer or in school? Business English and fiction have no commonalities!
Complete sentences? Really?
Please share your pain.
*Thanks to Stencil for the ability to make 10 free image/quotes per month, more with a paid account.